


22 Random Facts About Phil Coulson

by KillClaudio



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: 20 Random Facts, Gen, Married to the Job, Phil Coulson Backstory, Phil Coulson-centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-06
Updated: 2020-11-06
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:00:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,224
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28192851
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KillClaudio/pseuds/KillClaudio
Summary: Phil's one true love has always been S.H.I.E.L.D.
Kudos: 2





	22 Random Facts About Phil Coulson

  1. If pressed, Phil would have to confess that although he cares deeply about S.H.I.E.L.D.'s mission as humanity's last line of defense, the _real_ reason he joined was for the cool toys.
  

  2. Robert Coulson didn't understand what Phil saw in comics, and Phil didn't understand what his dad saw in cars, until the day Robert leaned over Phil's shoulder where he was reading at the kitchen table and said, "Is that a Corvette?" In Lola they found more than common ground; they found a shared passion. What few happy memories Phil has kept, he owes mostly to Lola. He drives her in his father's memory.
  

  3. Phil was a straight-A student who dreamed of superheroes and saving the world while his teachers droned on about accountancy and law and academia, until the day Fury cornered him in the quad and changed his life. He still shudders sometimes to think how close he came to never getting the only thing he ever really wanted. 
  

  4. The choice between the Academy of Operations and the Academy of Communications was a choice between joining the ranks of S.H.I.E.L.D.'s most glamorous and deadly agents or becoming a pen pusher, which meant it was no choice at all. But buried at the back of the Comms handbook was a page on old-fashioned spy techniques and S.H.I.E.L.D. history, and on some instinct he couldn't name, Phil ticked the box that said 'Comms'.
  

  5. Comms was a revelation. More people washed out of it than Ops and Science combined, but instead of being sent home they were recycled as data analysts and administrators. Comms didn't like waste. Ops and Science were being tested against some of the most rigorous standards in the world, but Comms students were being tested against a benchmark that Phil couldn't even see, tested on their ability to observe, to persuade, to acquire information, to get the job done in any way they could. Comms is the toughest of all the academies, and the only people who graduate are the ones who are too smart to brag about it.
  

  6. When Phil and Melinda were young and stupid and immortal, they went in to extract a kidnapped agent in defiance of explicit orders to stand down. Only afterwards did they find out about the ten pounds of Semtex sitting in the basement under them, and the fuse that hadn't been properly connected. They got a dressing down from their SO that took off strips of skin, a bottle of scotch from the guy they rescued, and very strong feelings about listening more carefully to HQ.
  

  7. It was still better than Sausalito.
  

  8. He's always understood the need for operational security, for controlling the flow of information. Not _knowing_ what's going on is easy. It's much, much harder to not _tell_ ; to keep the secret in the face of flying rumors, to see the doubt in other agents' eyes when you know the truth would exonerate you. But that's classified.
  

  9. In the moment of greatest danger, Phil never has time to be afraid. Instead, the fear follows him back to his own bed, and wakes him at 3am from half-formed nightmares of all the ways things could have gone wrong.
  

  10. Phil hasn't been keeping score, but if he had, he could tell you that there are one hundred and fifty six notches on his bed post. It's his fascination with people and what makes them tick that's take him through so many beds. Perhaps his life would have been easier if he hadn't treated every person he met as a puzzle to be solved—but then again, it would also have been less interesting.
  

  11. He's terrible at Call of Duty. Sitwell and Blake give him shit for it all the time, but the fact is that he likes it because he doesn't have to care about being good. No difficult decisions. No life or death. Just the pleasure of shooting things.
  

  12. He used to play with Clint, before. Clint can cause mass devastation on a fishing simulator, so playing Call of Duty with him usually ends in something satisfyingly apocalyptic. After Phil dies, sometimes he still plays with Clint, using a new alias and imagining himself hundreds or thousands of miles away on Clint's couch, with Lucky napping at their feet.
  

  13. He can barely admit it even to himself, but he's hoping, in some deep corner of his heart, that Clint will recognize him. That one day a message will pop up saying, "Hey, that's a familiar fighting style," or "I had a buddy who used to make dumb jokes like that," or "Do I know you?". But he never does.
  

  14. He can never forgive himself for what he did to Clint and Natasha. He should have told them. He convinced himself that they'd outgrown him, become _bona fide_ superheroes, and it was time to find a new team. He was a coward.
  

  15. Sometimes, peering into his shaving mirror in the mornings, he finds he can't meet his own eyes.
  

  16. But there's still work to be done, fights to be fought, and a new generation of agents to bring up to scratch. And although sometimes their boundless enthusiasm makes him feel old, mostly it feels like the circle of life; it reminds him that he's serving something bigger than himself, something that will live on and be a force for good in the world long after Phil's gone.
  

  17. The world gets stranger and stranger, but some things stay the same; courage, honor, duty. As he dives for the Terrigen crystal falling from Gordon's hand, Phil thinks of a terrified young cadet throwing himself on a grenade to spare the lives of his fellow soldiers, and hopes that Cap would be proud of him.
  

  18. He's always respected the need for rules, even as he bends them to suit his own ends. But it's only as Director that Phil finally understands: the rules hold you to account when there's no one else left who can.
  

  19. There was a time when Phil was S.H.I.E.L.D.'s most loyal servant. Now it would be fairer to say that he's loyal to the ideal of S.H.I.E.L.D. that he's been carrying in his heart all these years, and to the principles that ideal stood for. Disillusionment is the price you pay for wisdom.
  

  20. But his badge is still the most precious object he owns; the sign and the symbol of his life's work. That work has been demanding, dangerous and sometimes tragic, but always, _always_ worthwhile.
  

  21. Phil doesn't remember dying. His last memory, pulled from the fog of GH.325, is of sitting on the floor of the Helicarrier contemplating his life, and finding, to his surprise, that he has no regrets. He doesn't miss the family birthdays or holiday dinners he could have had. He made his choice a long time ago.
  

  22. When he wakes up in the hospital he thinks, briefly, of the things a man might do with a second chance; take Lola on a road trip, get a tattoo, finally learn the cello. But it's only a passing thought. S.H.I.E.L.D. is where he belongs, and more importantly than that, it's where he wants to be.




End file.
